Had two wonderfully gentle births last week- the moms and dads worked beautifully together and their labors unfolded so gently. Then I have a birth that I just want to scream unfair to! The mom has lost two babies in early miscarriages and this one has been a wonderful journey of falling in love with this son within her. The couple meshes into one another as if they melt into one. It is a privilege to be their childbirth educator and doula.
Her labor begins with contractions following an appointment earlier in the day. She seems to be gently rolling into her labor on her due date and with the full moon. I get a call regarding them headed into the hospital and I meet them there. She is working with contractions regular every 3 to 4 minutes. I watch and marvel at how well she is doing, with her lover by her side. They have done the work needed to be fully prepared.
Their midwives are wonderful... gentle and encouraging and most of all patiently supportive. After 13 hours another exam shows her cervix has not changed at all. Three options are given- augment your labor with pitocin, augment your labor with rupturing your membranes or consider this prodromal labor- take something to sleep and stop your labor and go home. She bravely chose the later.
After eight hours of sleep she woke to labor again. Active and stronger she stayed in touch via the phone and they stayed home as long as they could. They knew they were facing augmentation if they returned without a lot of change.
I met them again at the hospital with smiles on their faces. She looked amazing- beautiful and radient. She had progressed and she was delighted. Her water was broken two hours later to help move things along. She labored for five hours regular and strong. But the next exam showed no change had occurred. Her son was still high and did not seem to want to drop down into the birth passage.
After careful consideration, an epidural was placed. She had been laboring regularly sans the sleep induced eight hours for over 52 hours now. Fatigue was taking its toll. But again she did not show any fear. The epidural was placed and even before doing so the baby was showing some decelerations with each contraction. Was he trying to get into the birth canal?
The baby was not tolerating labor any longer. Within minutes of the epidural the subtle decelerations began to be not so subtle. We thought at first it was the epidural but once the mom's blood pressure stabilized the baby still showed his concern regarding continuing.
Two hours later she is rolled into the OR for a surgical birth. This was not what she wanted at all. It was not fair. There were questions that may never be answered- was it her low positioned fibroid that caused this? Was it the 14 inch head? Was it his 8+ pound body? Was it his face turned a bit upward upon his attempt to enter the birth canal? We don't have definitive answers.
What I do know is this mom labored like a warrior woman. She did not complain. She tried everything we offered. She worked so hard. She did the next best thing at every turn after exhausting the alternatives. I cry tears of disappointment for her. But I am not disappointed with her in any way. She needs to stand proud at the work she did along her journey to hold her son in her arms.
Sometimes we get twists and turns in our lives that are difficult- unfair- unexpected. My mantra continues to be, "God is in control, control is merely an illusion."
"best laid plans always fail"
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